Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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