im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
