I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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