that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
