hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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