you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
