My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
