Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
