My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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