y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
