I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Randomize
