someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
my vag is so smooth its legendary
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
