Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
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Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
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He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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