So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Sorry my hands just texted you
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I am never drinking with the goths again.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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