just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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