Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Randomize
