one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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