if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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