I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
