her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
You made out with two different species that night
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
