her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
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Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
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He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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