Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
