Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out