you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think