Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.