OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter