So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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