those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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