farters have to be the big spoon...
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i dont even know how to be here
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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