AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
