you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
