I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
