Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
