So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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