Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
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also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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