and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
