turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
