so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
handjob tips. give me some.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
