My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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