So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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