Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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