I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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