Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
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