Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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