If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
