Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
