"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
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You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
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I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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