Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
