Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
is wine microwaveable?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I had to cum in my sink.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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