R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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