I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
