My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
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