You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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