I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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