ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize