I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
