Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
