remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Randomize
