i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
