I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
