We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize