we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
