I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
