"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
